Relationships are all around us. The idea of the relationship is introduced to us at an early age and is consistently reinforced all the way through adulthood. We see it in both our real lives and in the media.
I grew up seeing my parents’ relationship and watching Disney princess love stories. I was there for Topanga and Cory’s love story on Boy Meets World from the very beginning. A story just doesn’t seem whole unless there’s a love story subplot because romance and relationships are what I’m so used to seeing.
Despite all of this, though, I’m not a relationship person. I don’t crave my own love story. I don’t dream of my wedding or a happily ever after. In fact, I’m happier single than I am in a relationship.
Before I continue, I feel as though I should explain that I’m not the kind of person who prefers to be single so that I can be free to explore my sexuality. I don’t prefer to be single so that I can go out and partake in debauchery. There’s nothing wrong with people who do prefer that, I’m just not one of them.
Being single equates to freedom. For me, freedom means being allowed to sit at my computer for hours on end and do whatever I want. Freedom, for me, means watching what I want to watch on Netflix and enjoying my alone time. I need a substantial amount of alone time.
Being single means I don’t have to deal with being touched. Most people know that I don’t like to be touched. I also have a huge issue with touching other people. In past relationships, I was expected to cuddle, hold hands, sit close and always be touching in some say. I don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable.
Being single means not having to be anxious about my partner bringing up sex. I don’t like to talk about sex and I’ve never really been comfortable in the bedroom with past boyfriends. Sex isn’t very enjoyable when you’re a ball of anxiety and intimacy issues. Also, as I said before, I don’t like to be touched.
Being single means not having to worry or feel guilty about the fact that I will always love my significant other less than they love me. I’m actually to the point where I’m starting to think I’m not capable of romantic love, which really puts a damper on the whole relationship thing.
Perhaps I just haven’t met the right person. Perhaps I’m aromantic. Perhaps it’s all tied to something else entirely. Regardless of why I feel this way, I’m not a relationship person. I am whole and happy on my own and I don’t need to tie myself to another person just because it was reinforced over and over again.